It's Official

My husband came home for a quick lunch, along with him were a copy of his flight itinerary. Ugh.


It's happening, and it's happening very quickly. We won't be able to spend Christmas together. We will miss another New Year, his 29th birthday, my 28th birthday, Valentines Day, and Easter. I don't know what else to say right now, just a bit too upset and sad. Quietly sad.

I had this ABU wreath recently made for us. Didn't really think I would be putting it to use so soon. :-(

Christmas. No longer the same.

I just realized, every December I have to worry whether my husband will be home for Christmas or not. Every year. So it's just not that exciting for me anymore like it once was. Christmas is my favorite holiday, or it was. His last deployment he left 3 days after Christmas, so if you can imagine it was bittersweet because I was happy he was there but sad that it meant he'd be leaving right after. At that time I had hoped Christmas would never come. This frustrates me to no end, thanks to this war.

Deployment Prayer

Dear Lord:
Give me the strength to say goodbye. Hold back the tear in my eye.
Cure my insomnia so that I may sleep alone. Give me a reason to awake when I’ve none.
Dear Lord:
Please help me pace myself. Allow me to turn to you for help,
And please let me be strong for him, Even if I’ve reached the brim.
Dear Lord:
Please make time go fast. I don’t know how long I can last.
This is the hardest time of my life, But this is my job: the soldier’s wife.
Dear Lord:
Let them all stay strong. Give them the will to go on,
And Lord, Please bring back all our men. In the name of our country. Amen.

~By Leanne Thomas~

Another day waiting

With Thanksgiving just two days away, of course the military will be off so we have to wait longer than usual to find out what is going to happen. Is this deployment going to get moved back? Be as soon as 2 weeks? Is it going to be cancelled? Is he even going for sure? I have all these questions and no one to answer them. I am hoping sense it is soon that he would have the rest of the time off, but no he has to spend that time out processing, which takes days!!! I'm trying to cope with the idea of being alone for half a year again, it isn't easy. I do a lot on my own, but my husband is always there to help when needed. Here's the thing about being a team, and being on your own. Whether you get the help or not, the simple fact of them being there is enough help on it's own. For example, during his last deployment to Iraq, if I wanted to go grab a bite to eat or a candy bar at the shoppette, I couldn't just go. I had to tote two kids along with, so there for it's a lot more work than it's worth. When he's home, I can just leave them with their daddy and I can do that short run alone. Simple and done. Those types of situations are great, to be able to just go!

It's that time again, our 5th time.

I knew in my heart it would happen, but I've always held on to some hope that maybe just maybe it won't. I secretly hoped that he would get skipped this time around. Well I got a text from him on Friday, November 18th that I was right. Orders came down and he's the only one to send. You would think by now I got this, it's not knew to me and some may think it gets easier. But no, I'm sorry it doesn't. It only gets harder the older your children get. They start to realize what is going on, why daddy isn't home, why he hasn't been for a long time. What do you say to a five year old when asked those questions? Our two year old won't know where he's gone but she will notice he isn't there and she will ask in her own little way too. I can't even explain to them without crying. As of now we have less than a month before he leaves us for the next 6 months. Yes that means he will be missing Christmas, New Years, his birthday, my birthday, Valentines Day, and Easter. This will not be the first time he has missed those special important dates. We've missed four of our birthdays, but hey, I can at least say he hasn't missed our daughters, which for that I am thankful. One of the worst parts is the not knowing when exactly he's leaving, we just sit and wait. There is a possibility it will be pushed back a couple weeks, so he may be home for Christmas, which would be nice. Just have to wait for the word now...