Christmas. No longer the same.

I just realized, every December I have to worry whether my husband will be home for Christmas or not. Every year. So it's just not that exciting for me anymore like it once was. Christmas is my favorite holiday, or it was. His last deployment he left 3 days after Christmas, so if you can imagine it was bittersweet because I was happy he was there but sad that it meant he'd be leaving right after. At that time I had hoped Christmas would never come. This frustrates me to no end, thanks to this war.